Funny Naruto Stories
by Ryo Wei
Summary: a story making fun of diffrent Naruto characters each chapter
1. kabuto

Note: I don't own Naruto

Chapter 1: Kabuto 

Somewhere in the sound village deep underground Kabuto slept next to a pile of crumpled up papers. Some labeled plan to destroy the Leaf village others hang man Sasori style. Suddenly someone screamed out his name!

"Kabuto!" Orochimaru yelled.

Kabuto woke up really unhappy. _Why me?_ He thought to himself "Coming my lord!" he responded quickly. He looked at the clock on his desk. It read 4:00 AM "Shoot me! Someone please!" he said to himself. He got up and started heading to where Orochimaru's voice had come from. Kidomaru appeared out of nowhere.

"Man Kabuto, he sounds pretty angry! What ya do hmm?" Kidomaru smirked.

" Shut up you piece of shit!" Kabuto glared at him and continued to walk.

"Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed! Oh, by the way when lord Orochimaru kills you for some reason where do you want your funeral?" Kabuto grabbed him by the neck and smashed him into a wall.

"I suggest you not bother me today, I'm in a really bad mood!" Kabuto warned Kidomaru. He just smiled as Kabuto stormed of with the sign on his back that read

Kick me I'm emo 

He walked into the room where Orochimaru sat "What is it my lord?" he asked in a very paranoid tone. _If it's something trivial… _he thought _he's soooo dead!_

" For one thing, Kabuto why do you have a paper bomb on your forehead?" Orochimaru looked at him strangely.

"It's for suicidal purposes, but enough about me and how I belong in a mental hospital, what do you need?" Kabuto tried to stay calm but Orochimaru had kept him up all night making plans to destroy the Leaf village. He'd only got 2 hours sleep, and because of that he was constantly trying not to strangle his boss.

"Well I've known you for quite some time now Kabuto and I thought I might tell you this…" Orochimaru paused for a moment " I love you!" Kabuto was suddenly wide-awake now.

_Holy shit my boss is gay! I work for a gay guy!_ He was about to take a kunai and plunge it into himself when he got an idea. _I know I'll go back to working for Sasori! _"Um, I have to go work on those plans to destroy the Leaf village now call me if you need me, but please don't need me!" he was out of there in a second running full speed. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Orochimaru found out he left! So he had to move. _Later Gaylord!_ He thought as soon as he crossed the border.

Two weeks later 

He eventually found the Akatsuki hide out and Sasori was right outside it he was in luck.

"Hey Sasori! Up here!" he waved to Sasori. Sasori was not too happy to see Kabuto though. He was a traitor and he hated him.

"What the hell are you doing here?! I thought you were working for that traitor Orochimaru?" Sasori glared at him.

"Yeah, I was but he turned out be gay so I left!" Kabuto smiled. Sasori did not want Kabuto to work for him anymore so he made something up.

"Well to bad for you cause I'm gay to!" Sasori shrugged. Deidara looked at him like he was crazy.

"Yeah right! There's no way in hell your gay!" Kabuto shouted.

"Want me to prove it?" Sasori grabbed Deidara and kissed him although he looked like he was in pain. Deidara was just as surprised as Kabuto.

"Later!" Kabuto yelled and ran off. As soon as he was gone Sasori let go of Deidara and spat. He looked like he was going to vomit.

"Don't you think that was going over board? Deidara asked extremely irritated.

" I had to get rid of him! Deidara give me that mouthwash you always carry around!" Sasori demanded.

" Me first dude!" Deidara pulled out a thing of mouthwash that he kept with him for some strange reason.

At the Hidden Leaf village 

Kabuto was looking for Sasuke when he spotted him at his usual spot on the dock.

"Hey Sasuke can you light this paper bomb that I have on my back? My life sucks and everybody I ever worked for is gay!" Kabuto told Sasuke.

"With pleasure!" Sasuke said making the hand signs for Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu. He lit the paper bomb on Kabuto's back but nothing happened. "Damn! It was a dud!" Sasuke cursed. Then he got an idea. " Kabuto I have a better idea! I'm emo your emo how about we both jump of a cliff!" Sasuke suggested.

"Sure, but where are we going to find a cliff?" Kabuto asked. They both looked at the mountain with the Hokage's faces on it.

"That will work!" they both said. They made it to the top of the cliff and looked down.

"It's always been my dream to jump off a cliff!" Sasuke announced.

"Really?" Kabuto asked giving Sasuke a strange look.

"No you dunce not really!" Sasuke screamed. Then someone picked them up by their shirt collars

"Thank you for flying flight Emo! When jumping off the cliff be sure to scream like the little girls you are to let everyone know your ending your life!" Itachi's voice told them. Then he through them off the cliff

Splat!!! 

Note: For the record I think Kabuto rocks this was just a way of making fun of him, and I'll be making fun of different people each chapter so let me know who I should make fun of next!


	2. Pein

Note: I dont own Naruto!

Note: thank you "Sakura" for the suggestion on Pein.

**Pein**

It was a typical day for the Akatsuki; Itachi was trying to show Kisame the new plan to capture Naruto, but Kisame seemed more concerned about whether they were having fish for dinner. Deidara was trying to destroy Sasori with one of his bombs._ This is for saying my art sucks you basterd un! _Deidara thought not realizing Sasori was no longer on the couch but right behind him.

"Deidara what's with the bomb in your hand hmm?" Sasori demanded cracking his knuckles.

"Oh, hey Sasori! What's up?" Deidara tried looking harmless but it wasnt fooling Sasori. "Hey my arm doesnt go that way un! OWWWWW!" Deidara cried out in pain. Hidan was on crack because only a guy on crack would stab them selves over and over! Kakuzu was counting money AGAIN!

"6,000, -2, 4 million"Kakuzu said to him self. Tobi was trying to annoy the shit out of Deidara even though he was getting his ass kicked by Sasori. As usual Pein was looking for his coffee maker.

"Damnit where's my coffee maker?" Pein cried out.

"Give it up Pein we will never tell you were we hid it NEVER!" Itachi informed him. Then he turned and looked at Deidara resembling something close to a pretzel. Sasori just stood there admiring his artwork. "Man, thats got to hurt!" Itachi flinched. "I'll be back soon! They finally got that new book at the book store:** The morons guild to capturing the Kyuubi**." Itachi told Kisame then he got up and left.

**Somewhere**

"Itachi was on his way back from the book store mumbling about how they had said no s ranked criminals aloud when he got a frantic call from Deidara.

"Itachi get your ass back here!" Deidara screamed into the phone.

"What did Sasori break up with you or something?" Itachi teased.

"No you dumb ass Pein found the coffee maker un! Deidara contuied to scream giving Itachi permenent hearing lose. Itachi screamed like a girl or you could say he screamed like Sasuke.

"Who told him?" Itachi hissed.

"Tobi, Who else?" Deidara told Itachi.

"Put him on now!" Itachi demanded.

"If he's still alive sure." he warned Itachi.

" Hello?" Tobi's voice echoed in the phone.

"Tobi do you have any idea what chaos you've unleashed?" Itachi growled.

"Now I do, yes!" Tobi answered "Tobi is sorry!" Itachi just hung up and started sprinting twords the hide out.

_Damn! Who knows what shape the hide out is in right now!_ Itachi wondered.

**At the hide out**

By the time Itachi got there the hide out was a wreck! Everybody was injured except for Pein who was sleeping on the couch hugging his coffee maker.

"Hey Itachi over here!" Sasori wispered from a corner.

"What the hell happened to you?" Itachi asked although it was farilly obvious.

"Pein took my arms and legs and tossed them over there!" he pointed to another corner. Itachi picked up Sasori's missing parts and helped reattach one of his arms then left him. Deidara was unconscious and had his head smashed into a wall. Itachi pulled him out of the wall and let him drop to the ground. He looked up to see that Hidan was hanging from the ceiling like a pinata. He cut him lose and once again he didnt bother to catch him.

_What's that smell?_ He wondered.Only to turn around and find Kisame tied up and under a really big really bright light with a cook book next to him that said **How to cook really big shark. **He untied Kisame and put him in the river outside the hide out. After helping everyone else he aprouched Pein to try to get the coffee maker away from him but he woke up.

"Hands off the coffee maker pal!" Pein growled at Itachi.

"Pein how many cups of coffee have you had?" Itachi asked raising one eye brow.

"92, it's a new record!" he smiled like he was on crack or something.

"That is more coffee than any human, if you are human, should EVER have!" Itachi got right in face and snached the coffee maker out of Pein's hands. Pein looked like he was going to cry. "You know thats not going to work on me!" Itachi said unfazed.

"You guys are so mean!" he pouted and crossed his arms.

_He's acting like a freaken 2 year old! _Itachi thought. Pein was about to say something else but he passed out and stayed that way. _Now to hide this damned coffee maker!_ Itachi deicided to hide were nobody would look unless you were looking to die! He hid it in Deidara's room, Itachi barlly got out alive! When he was finshed with that he decided to pay Tobi back for this disaster! Itachi draged Tobi to the couch were Pein was and put Tobi next to him. Pein automadiclly thought it was the coffee maker and put his arm around Tobi. Itachi couldent help but laugh alittle

**A few hours later**

everybody else was awake and in alot of pain except for Pein and Tobi who were still on the couch. Sudenlly Pein's voice cry out

"Holy shit!" Pein had just woken up and was no longer crazy. "Tobi why are you laying next to me?" Pein holded in the urge to beat him senceless!

"I have no idea how I got here, the last thing I remeber was you beating me with a hammer!" Tobi looked really confused.

"Also where's my coffee maker?" Pein shook Tobi. After Pein decapited Tobi he went on a rampage looking for the coffee maker. Lucklly everybody got out in time. Itachi found himself in Konoha only to find that his younger brother and Kabuto were about to jump off a cliff. He grabbed them both by their shirt collars and threw them off the cliff yelling

"So long emo kid!"

**The end or is it? Of course it is!**


	3. Sasori

Note: I don't own Naruto

Note: Sorry for not being able to make fun of Naruto this chapter. I just cant come up with a good story that's funny. Also sorry to all Sasori fans but I think you'll like this. Finally please take a joke I know Chiyo is Sasori's grandmother.

**Sasori**

Sasori and Deidara were in the middle of no where doing nothing just waiting for orders from Pein. 

"He was supposed to be here an hour ago! He knows I HATE waiting!" Sasori paced back and forth.

"I know! You are the most impatient person on the planet!" Deidara yelled at Sasori.

"I am not! I'm the most impatient PUPPET on the planet!" Sasori corrected him.

"What ever." Deidara rolled his eye. Then finally Pein appeared.

"It's about time." Sasori murmured.

"Sorry about that. We had a little problem with Zetsu and his lack of food, he nearly ate Tobi." Pein informed them

"Why did you stop him un?" Deidara asked disappointed. Pein ignored him.

"Anyways, Sasori, We have new information on Kabuto."

"And..." Sasori waited for him to continue.

"He was recently spotted at the hidden leaf village jumping off a cliff." Pein told them.

_Yes! one less person I need to kill! Have fun in hell you jack ass!_ Sasori pulled out a pad of paper with the words: **Hit list** at the top and put a check next to Kabuto's name.

"... Unforchetlly, he survived." Pein ruined Sasori's day. Sasori erased the check next to Kabuto's name, but not without nearly tearing the paper in two. "your job right now is to find him and kill him, or at least kick him all the way back to Orochimaru's pit of DOOM!" Pein ordered them. "Oh and one last thing, world domination!" Pein cried then disappeared.

"Yeah, little creepy!" Deidara pointed to where Pein had been standing. Sasori had already started walking. "Hey wait up!

**God knows where**

Deidara and Sasori had been walking for about a day before they decided to stop and rest.

"Hey Sasori." 

"What?" Sasori replied impatiently

"We're near the sand village right?" Deidara asked.

"No we're near the sound village!"

"Really? cause it looks a lot like the sand to me! With all the... sand un." Deidara said confused. 

"Of course we're near the sand village you, you dumb ass! I was being sarcastic!" Sasori steamed. Then a female voice screamed Sasori's name

"Sasori!" He moved quickly.

_Who the hell_... Sasori waited for the mass of sand to clear. Finally he saw who it was. he gasped "Chiyo?"

"uh, Sasori who's the old hag un?" Deidara looked at Sasori confused.

"You don't want to know!Trust me." Sasori glanced back at Deidara. Deidara just turned to Chiyo.

"Who the hell are you un?" Deidara asked her.

" Me? I'm Sasori's girlfriend!" she said smiling. Deidara's jaw nearly hit the ground.

"Please tell me she's lying!" Deidara pleaded.

"She's partially lying." Sasori told him. "She's my X girlfriend." Sasori told Deidara. 

"Quit lying Sasori!" Chiyo ordered.

"It was 20 freaken years ago women! Get over it already!" Sasori yelled. Chiyo ignored him.

"Now your cheating on me with this girl!" She pointed to Deidara. Deidara was about to correct her when he got an idea.

_I can use this as payback for turning me into a human pretzel last week un!_ Deidara thought. Deidara put his arms around Sasori. "That's right! You snooze you lose sister!" Deidara stuck his tongue out at her. Sasori knocked Deidara out punching him in the face.

"Deidara EVER do that again and I'll kill you!" Sasori warned him. "Also Chiyo, Deidara is a guy not a girl." Sasori said glaring. As soon as she heard that she disappeared. "What the hell was that about?" Sasori asked himself since Deidara was still unconscious. 

**Two freaken days later**

"Finally we reached the Leaf village!"Deidara declared.

"What was your first clue: the sign or the fact that ninja over there has a Leaf village headband?" Sasori glared at him. After killing all the guards they forced people to tell them where Kabuto was. They eventually Found out he was in Kohona hospital.

**At the hospital**

When they finally found Kabuto's room they found him unconscious with his arm twisted backwards. Sasori grabbed grabbed Kabuto by his good arm walked over to the window and threw him out the window to wake him up. Deidara and Sasori fallowed.

_Well he'll be able to use that other arm of his. He should be happy we straitened it out for him._ Sasori thought picking Kabuto up by shirt collar and shook him "waky waky sleeping beauty!" Sasori said in a little kid voice. Kabuto woke up confused.

"Holy shit! Sasori what the hell are you doing here, more importantly what the hell am I doing here? wasn't I dead?" kabuto stared at him confused.

"If you were dead I wouldn't be here now would I." Sasori said with an evil grin on his face. "Now say your priers you jackass!" Sasori swung his fist at him.For being right out of the hospital Kabuto acted fast. He manged to escape Sasori's grip and kick him in the face. "Heh! huh?" Sasori landed a punch in Kabuto's gut. "Ugh!" Kabuto spat up some blood. 

"Well looks like this wont be as easy as I thought!" Sasori admitted. He took one of his scrolls holding his puppets and summoned it. 

"No kidding!" Kabuto agreed. he started making some hand signs and his hands glowed blue.

"Now die!" They both screamed clashing into each other.Kabuto slashed right through Sasori's puppet then right through Sasori.

**Game over!**

"Damn this game sucks! He kicks my butt every time!" Sasori yelled at the Game Boy he was holding. "Deidara you give it a shot then we'll get moving. We cant take forever getting to the Leaf village!" Sasori tossed the game to Deidara. He lost 2 seconds later.

"Sasori can I destroy this stupid thing? It's annoying!" Deidara asked.

"Like I care." Sasori said reading a book upside down. Deidara threw it at tree.

**SMASH**

**the end**

Hia people! So what did you think? I'm thinking of making fun Deidara next. If you have any other suggestions let me know. Also I'll be starting a new story soon called **Lost emotions.** It's about Sasori and Sakura. I may have the first chapter up this weekend, but I will continue funny Naruto stories.

ryoga46


	4. Sasuke

Note: I don't own Naruto

Note: Alright time to make fun of emo kid! Sorry all Sasuke fans. (sort of) This will be fun heh heh heh.

**Emo kid **

Sasuke woke up in the hospital with his head in a really strange position. _Dammit! _He thought twisting his neck back into it's original position. _I survived. Also I could of sworn Itachi was the one who tossed me off the cliff._ Sasuke noticed a note next to his bed he picked it up and opened it.

_Dear foolish little brother,_

_Yes it was me who threw you off the cliff. Ha ha ha ha ha! If you want to attempt to kill me I'll be down at the lake watching Kabuto get his sorry ass kicked by Sasori. They put alligators in the lake just for this occasion! Also once I beat the shit out of you we are going to use you as bait to catch one of the alligators. Finally we are holding your best friend hostage. Why haven't you killed him yet? So if you don't come we will sacrifice him... Actually we were going to do that anyways, well you get the point! Just be there!_

_ Itachi _

_PS: I will kill everyone if your not there in 5 min! Mwha ha ha ha cough cough_

Sasuke climbed out the window and started sprinting towards the lake. When he got there he saw Itachi and the rest of the Akatsuki sitting there watching Sasori kick Kabuto's Sorry ass into the lake. He also saw Naruto, he wasn't a hostage at all he was laughing at Kabuto and sitting right next to Itachi. He kept searching around and saw that everybody was there from Iruka to Kiddomaru. He walked down kunai in hand. He heard someone call his name

"Hey Sasuke!" Sakura voice came from a tree. 

"Sakura what are you doing hanging out with losers like these guys?" Sasuke sounded annoyed. Sakura ignored his question.

"Sasuke you never told me you had a brother! He's so cool and cute!" Sakura looked down at Itachi smiling. Itachi mouthed the word 

"I win!" Sasuke glared at him 

_Damn I owe him 20 bucks! I never should have made that bet a couple years ago! _Sasuke cursed. Itachi bet that Sakura would fall in love with him Sasuke had bet she wouldn't.

"He also asked me out earlier!" she said smiling a really big smile. Sasuke nearly passed out.

"How come ANBU hasn't arrested you guys yet?" Sasuke growled.

"Oh their over there." Deidara pointed a little ways off where all the ANBU stood cheering. 

"You've got to be kidding me!" Sasuke looked like he was going to tear his hair out. Itachi stood up.

"Alright lets get this over with." Itachi said like it was nothing. 

"Good luck Itachi kun!" Sakura cheered for Itachi.

"Yeah, kick emo kid's ass!" Naruto turned around. 

"Yo Tobi hurry up cant you pop popcorn any faster their about to start fighting." Deidara held a pan with half popped popcorn over Tobi's face.

"You shouldn't talk to me that way I'm the leader of the Akatsuki! I'll kill you!" Tobi pointed to Deidara. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just keep telling your self that!" Deidara hit Tobi on the head with the pan. 

"Die!" Sasuke cried running at Itachi. 

**2 seconds later**

As promised Itachi beat the shit out of Sasuke tied him to a tree branch that hung over the water and waited. 

"Kisame get out of the water! Sasuke is for the alligators not you." Kakashi pointed to Kisame who was about to bite Sasuke.

"I hope you know how to swim little brother!" Itachi called out to him. 

"I cant swim if my hands are tied you jackass!" Sasuke screamed. Itachi just laughed. 

"If the alligators don't kill you we are giving you to Orochimaru!" Sasori yelled from beside Deidara.

"Just why the hell would I want to go there?" Sasuke screamed.

"You mean Oro isn't your lover?" Pein said scratching his head.

"No that's me!" Kabuto screamed from another tree branch. Just then an alligator popped out of the water and swallowed Sasuke.

_Shit!_ was what crossed Sasuke mind before everything went black.

**The end**

Yeah! Death to emo kid! anyways I hoped you like my this chapter I wont be able to update for awhile because sometime soon I'll most likely be baned from using the computer.I've been spending every single day on it so sorry!


	5. Naruto

Note I don't own Naruto

Note: Okay people finally I think I have a good chapter for Naruto although this might be the most boring chapter ever sorry. Also if everybody who reads my story would please read First Kiss by **jungle525. **please read it she is my best friend ever and she wants people to read her story. Thank you!

**#1 hyper active knuckle head ninja**

Naruto sat at a table with the rest of his squad. Sasuke who was covered in bandages thanks to the alligator incident, to his right. Sakura who was doodling a picture of Itachi and her (**vomits**), to his left.

_Man this is so boring! Why the hell are we here anyways? I NEVER wanted to see the academy ever again! _Naruto thought. Then Iruka appeared in front of the room.

"Good morning everyone ! I suppose your all wondering why your here well..." he was cut off by Naruto.

"You bet we're wondering! This is a living hell!" Naruto shouted so loud the guy in front of him lost all hearing in his left ear.

"Just shut up you dunce!" everyone shouted at him.

"Anyways as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted..." Iruka glanced at Naruto. "... there will be a dance on April 16th. Please look nice for this one everyone will be there!" Sakura raised her hand. "No Sakura. There are no S ranked criminals aloud." Itachi appeared out of nowhere and took out a machine gun.

"Screw you!" he shot Iruka several times then disappeared. Everyone gathered around Iruka who was bleeding to death.

"Iruka sensei are you okay?" Naruto said at the front of the crowd.

"Does he look okay you dunce?" Sasuke punched him on the head.

"How should I know? Why do you think I asked him?" Naruto replied rubbing the bump on his head. Sakura stepped in front of them.

"Well that's what he gets for making Itachi kun angry, but I'll heal him anyways." Sakura started healing his wounds when medical ninja walked in. They weren't there for Iruka though.

"We're looking for Uchiha Sasuke. Is he here?" One of the men said.

"What the hell do you guys want now?" Sasuke stepped out of the crowd.

"We need to give you a couple shots to make sure what ever diseases those alligators were carrying are gone." another man said. Sasuke twitched just at the word shot.

"And just how many are we talking about?" Sasuke tried to keep his voice calm.

"20, 40 whats the difference?" one of them said. Sasuke's eyes got real big.

"Forget it!" he jumped to the other side of the room to where the windows were. "You'll never take me alive!" he laughed a really messed up laugh and jumped through the closed window.

"Here we go again." They chased after Sasuke and completely ignored Iruka who was still bleeding to death. After 10 more minutes of healing he was fine. Everybody walked out leaving Iruka on the floor. Once everybody was out of the room they all started talking. Shikamaru was on his cell taking to Temari.

"So you'll go with me then!" Shika sounded excited (**Wait Shika excited how is that possible?**)

"Fine sure whatever." Temari responded. But she was thinking _Yes finally! Wait what am I going to wear? I have to go shopping! _"Shika aren't you going to hang up?" she asked While running all over the place trying to find her purse.

"To troublesome!" he answered. Temari hung up and started dragging her brothers to the store for an afternoon of "fun" cough torture Cough.

Sakura was on her cell as well talking to Itachi (** Of course**). "So you want me to come to the Akatsuki hideout?"

"Yes."

"And you promise Pein wont try to kill me this time." She remembered the first time she went with Itachi. She shivered at the memory.

"Yes he will not try to kill you and the same thing with Deidara, Sasori etc." he reassured her.

"Okay bye!" Sakura hung up.

Ino ran up to Shino. "So we're going together right!" Shino just nodded. "Okay! See you later!" she rushed off to the store.

_Man who should I ask? Sakura would never go with me shes got Itachi. So who else is there? _He wondered walking by a tree when the answer fell on his head literally. "who the..." he realized that the person who had just fallen on him was Hinata. "Hey Hinata are you okay?" Naruto asked sitting up.

"Yeah just slipped." _Not I meant to fall on you! Now for part two! _Naruto stood up. Hinata tried to stand up but fell back down gripping her ankle. " I must of twisted my ankle when I fell." Naruto bent down beside her.

"Do you need me to carry you home?" He asked.

"No I'll be fine!" she tried to sound like she was in pain.

"It's okay really I don't mind." He picked her up and carried her to her house.

_Yes! Operation: Naruto carry me home is complete! _She thought rapping her arms around his neck. When they got there nobody was home.

"I guess I'll take you to your room." he smiled. When he got to her room he lay ed her down on the bed and said bye then started to walk out. Hinata threw something at his head and knocked him out. Naruto woke up on Hinata's bed his hands around Hinata her arms around him. He tried to let go of her but his hand were tied. Then Neji and Kiba walked into the room.

"Uzamaki what the hell are you doing to my cousin?" Neji screamed.

"Naruto what the hell are you doing to my girlfriend?" Kiba yelled.

Hinata let go of Naruto and yelled at Kiba. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm am NOT your girlfriend! I'm already going with someone!"

"Who?" Kiba and Neji asked ready to beat up whoever it was.

"Naruto!" she answered. Neji chopped the hand cuffs off then Kiba through him out a window.

"Oh great the girl I like hates me and the girl who likes me is totally insane! I hate my life!" Naruto said to himself.

**Yo people! Yeah I know this chapter was really boring but one person want me to make fun of Naruto and I intended to do that. Also if you have any suggestions for the next chapter I could really use them!**

**Akatsuki obsessed girl**


	6. gay guys in Naruto

Note: I don't own Naruto

Note: Okay people today I am starting a 3 part thing for this story called **The Gay Guys in Naruto! **first I'll make fun of zabuza he may not be gay but me and my friend only came up with this after staying up all night! Man what no sleep can do to a person! 2nd Orochimaru **(** **_... No comment!) _**and finally Rock lee and Guy! If there is anybody else that you think is gay and belongs in here let me know **(Except Kabuto!) **

**Zabuza and Haku!**

_Ok yes I know Zabuza and Haku are dead, but in my story they are alive! _

**Somewhere**

Zabuza was just getting back from a random killing spree. Haku was watching some sport show on TV.

"So how'd it go?" Haku asked. He wasnt interested at all just asked out of habit.

"Fine I guess. I'll be up stairs ok." he walked out of the room, but walked back in. "Hey Haku did you go to see that kid Kabuto get his butt kicked by Sasori?" Zabuza asked him.

"Yeah. Why?" Haku looked at him.

"Kisame was there and I wanted to go so I could fight him! Man that guy pisses me off!" Zabuza left the room. Haku checked to see if he was gone then changed the channel to a really girly if you a guy it's a living hell show! Not for long though.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Zabuza screamed. Haku nearly fell off the chair.

"What the hell happened?" Haku demanded.

"Haku get up here!" Zabuza ordered. Haku raised up stairs.

"What is it master Zabuza?" Haku asked him.

"Someone stole my manly makeup!" Zabuza screamed. Haku fell over. Then got back up.

"I highly dought anyone would steal that! Where did you last put it?" Haku asked.

"It was in my purse." He answered

"Which one?" Haku asked a little annoyed.

"The one that says princess!" Zabuza told him.

_Oh shit! I burned that one this morning! _Haku pounded his head against a wall.

"Haku go down to the store get my makeup!" Zabuza ordered.

"Yes sir!" Haku was gone.

"And hurry!" Zabuza added.

**2 #& hours later**

"I'm back master Zabuza!" Haku smiled.

"What took you so long?" Zabuza demanded.

"Well master Zabuza sir... they only had the eye shadow you like." Haku Informed him.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Zabuza screamed. Haku tossed him the eye shadow. "This isn't even my shade you fool!" he steamed.

"Well excuse me!" Haku crossed his arms.

"You should have gone to that really girly store down the street! It has everything!" he lectured Haku.

"Master Zabuza before I go racing down to the store AGAIN I wanted to let you know I finally made that appointment!" Haku smiled.

"You mean your finally getting that sex change!"

"Yep!" Haku smiled.

"Yes! Finally people will stop calling us gay!" **(Yeah right!)** They hugged. **(ew!) **

**Sasuke and Orochimaru**

**At Oro's hideout**

Sasuke sat on some surface doing absolutely nothing. Orochimaru sat in a chair reading a newspaper.

_'Damn I hate this place, but it's better then being in kohona where there's a alligator infested lake!' _Sasuke thought scowling a usual.

"Sasuke." Orochimaru called to him.

"What?" Sasuke asked paranoid.

"If Kabuto were to suddenly die a painful death what would it be?" he asked.

"You could throw him off a cliff into a chemical fire! That would be painful. Or we could have Itachi use Tsukiyumi on him! It's not death but it hurts like hell!" Sasuke suggested. "Why you asking me planing to do something to Kabuto?" he asked not the least bit interested.

"Maybe. Do you know what tomarow is?" Orochimaru asked.

"Torture Kabuto day? If so I'm all for it!" Sasuke snickered.

"No you idiot! It's April 1st!" Orochimaru rolled his eyes.

"Oh! Wait are you really going to kill him?" Sasuke asked a little interested.

"No. Just scare the crap out of him!" Orochimaru answered.

"Damn!" Sasuke mumbled. Kabuto walked into the room. Sasuke and Oro acted like they were doing nothing rather then plotting his down fall.

"Lord Orochimaru..." he waited for some response.

"Yes." he replied.

"I'm leaving here for good!" Kabuto told him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Orochimaru glared.

"You don't really need me! You have your boyfriend Sasuke Uchiha over there!" Kabuto pointed to Sasuke.

"I'm not gay!" Sasuke growled.

"Oh come on. We both know what you and him were doing yesterday!"

_Oh shit! He's on to me! _Sasuke screamed in his head. "I'll prove I'm not gay!" he pulled out his cell phone.

"Hey Sakura what's up?"

"Hey Sasuke kun! Why are you calling me? I'm kinda trying to convince Pein that coffee is bad and he should stop trying to find the coffee maker.

"I don't even know what your talking about and it sounds like Itachi has something to do with it! Anyways can you please tell Kabuto that I'm not gay!" Sasuke continued to talk.

"Why would I lie though? It's true!" Sakura asked slightly confused.

"Good bye Sakura." Sasuke tried not to break the phone. "Hold on 1 sec!" Sasuke walked out of the room. "Hey Tauya come here a sec!"

"Why?" she asked sounding really pissed off.

"Just fallow my lead and I'll pay you 20 bucks!" Sasuke whispered.

"Fine what do I have to do?" she asked.

"Act like my girl friend just long enough to fool Kabuto!" he whispered again.

"But your gay why would I do that?" she said confused.

"Are you going to help me or not?" he demanded.

"what ever." she walked with Sasuke.

"As you can see Kabuto I have a girl friend!" he pointed to Tauya.

"Sasuke kun your cheating on me!" Orochimaru yelled.

"If she's really your girlfriend kiss her!" Kabuto smirked.

_No way in hell buddy! _Tauya thought.

"No chance! Forget it! No amount of money could ever make me kiss him!" she walked out.

"Yeah well screw you!" Sasuke shouted. "fine you win I'm gay. You happy?" Sasuke left the room thinking about how close to death Kabuto would be tomorrow. He was also thinking that if something just so happened to go wrong and it just so happened that they had pushed Kabuto off a cliff into a chemical fire how funny it would be.

**TBC**

Yo people! I decided to put two of the gay couples in this chapter just it wouldn't be really short. I know this is a really short chapter and I'm sorry, but I did need to update.

Akatsuki obsessed girl


	7. Akatsuki in school

Note: I don't own Naruto

Yo people! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update! Alright this is going to be a flash back for the Akatsuki childhood when they were all in school. My sister came up with mos of it, but she will never get it down ever trust me! Damn it my hand is going numb should have eaten lunch! Man I hope the teacher doesn't notice that I writing in the middle of class.

**Akatsuki at school**

The Akatsuki sat in their hideout doing nothing.

"Hey Kakuzu call in some take out I'm staving!" Pein ordered.

**5 min later**

"What do you mean you don't deliver?! You did last time!" Kakuzu screamed into the phone. "Company change my ass! Good bye!"

"Okay Sasori next time you cant kill the delivery guy!" Pein pointed to Sasori.

"Aw man! Why not?" Sasori asked disappointed

"Because I said so!" Pein shook his fist at Sasori. Sasori started sulking.

"Hey everybody guess what?" Tobi said excited about something ( Do I want to know?)

"What is it Tobi?" Deidara asked so not interested.

"I found some old photos of us in school!" he held up a big book.

"Well isn't that great." Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Wasn't it so much fun?" Tobi smiled.

"NO! It was the worst time of my life!" they all yelled. "And let me tell you why..."

**Flash back!**

It was a typical school day for the future Akatsuki members. Hidan was the only one in the room. He was making a plan to kill the teacher. Then Kakuzu walked in. He walked over to Hidan.

"Hey Hidan!" Hidan didn't look up from his drawing. "Hidan I was wondering if you would share some of your money with me?"

"Why the hell would I do that?" Hidan glared at Kakuzu. Kakuzu pick Hidan up by his shirt collar.

"Because sharing is caring now share!" he demanded.

"Ugh! Fine you can have my milk money! Milk is a sin anyways." he handed Kakuzu the money.

"You think everything is a sin!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Including you!" Hidan added.

"Damn you! Anyways what you doing?" Kakuzu looked at the drawing. "Your drawing a potato?"

"No these are plans for world domination!" he corrected him.

"Hey that's my job!" Pein walked in followed by Kohan.

"Well well if it isn't the evil master mind himself!" Hidan waved.

"Whats up? You guys like the new nose piercings?" Pein smiled.

"I think It makes you look cute!" Kohan smiled.

"I could care less what you think!" Pein sat down.

'Why me Why me?' Kohan bashed her head against a wall. Itachi and Kisame walked in.

'I hate my life! I hate this day, and I really hate my emo kid brother!' Itachi thought. Kisame was talking about some nonsense and it was really aggravating Itachi. "Kisame let me tell you something. I hate my life, I hate this day, I hate my emo kid brother and at the moment I really hate you!" Itachi growled. Kisame paid no attention to what Itachi just said.

"I know something that will cheer you up! Today is valentines day!" Kisame hugged Itachi.

"It was a week ago! How many times do I have to tell you it was a week ago you dumb ass!" Itachi yelled. Again Kisame paid no attention to what Itachi just said. Hidan saw this and screamed like a girl. then he fell to the ground. curled up in a ball saying

"It's a sin! It's a sin! It's a sin!" over and over again. Deidara and Sasori walked in talking about what art really was (again)

"Bla bla bla art is a bang!"

"Bla bla bla no it's not!"

"Bla bla bla your art sucks!"

"Bla bla bla no yours does! Look at me I'm Sasori and I'm obsessed with puppets so much I turned myself into one!" Deidara tried to act like Sasori.

"Well look at me I'm Deidara and I look like a girl! In fact I was supossed to be born a girl, but I'm guy un!" Sasori tried acting like Deidara.

"Well at least I don't make dolls do balie un!" Deidara shouted.

"I'll show you balie!" Sasori took control of Deidara and made him dance around the room. "Well at least my art isn't loud and annoying!"

"Shut up pinnochio!" Deidara punched Sasori. Zetsu and Tobi walked in.

"Hey Tobi." Zetsu sat down next to Tobi.

"Yes Zetsu san?" Tobi asked.

"I don't have a lunch today and I was wondering if you..." Zetsu was cut off by Tobi.

"Sure you and I can share!" Tobi smiled behind his mask.

"Great!" Zetsu pulled out a lunch box. He grabbed Tobi and stuffed him inside.

"Zetsu san let me out! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi begged.

"No Tobi is lunch!" Zetsu smiled.

"Zetsu let Tobi go!" Pein ordered.

"Fine." Zetsu sighed. He let Tobi out.

"When I make a evil organization you two will not be partners!" Pein noted.

**Many years later**

"Okay for the next team: Zetsu and Tobi! Hmm something about this just doesn't seem right!" Pein scratched his head.

"I've been waiting a long time for this Tobi!" Zetsu took out a lunch box.

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi whimpered.

"No Tobi is lunch!"

**Back to the school day**

Iruka appeared in front of the class only to see Hidan curled up in a ball, Kakuzu counting his money, Deidara and Sasori beating the shit out of each other, Kohan flirting with Pein, Pein not caring, Kisame getting beaten up by Itachi, and Zetsu roasting Tobi over a fire.

"Good morning everyone. Will everyone please return to their seats." Iruka smiled. Nobody paid attention. "Will everyone shut the f# up!" Iruka roared. Everyone fell silent. "Thank you. Now my name is Iruka Sensei and I'm going to be your teacher. Now then I just one other thing to say. All of you are scum and will be treated like scum!" Iruka continued to smile. Itachi took out a machine gun and aimed it at Iruka.

"Yeah well screw you!" Itachi shot Iruka. "You are a piece of shit!" Itachi walked out of the room. The rest of them bandaged Iruka then found some rope and tied him to the ceiling like a pinata. They took a stick and started beating him with it.

**End of flash back**

"You know what your right school was hell!" Tobi tossed the book it hit Zetsu in the face.

"Hey Tobi get over here for a second." Zetsu tied him up and started roasting him over a fire

**TBC**

So what did you think? some of the things in this are from this other story I'm writing called Copy Cat Kounchi.

Please review

Akatsuki obsessed girl


	8. Akatsuki goes to therapy

note:ok finally I'm updating soooooooooooooooooo sorry it took me so long. Thank you (sorry can't remember your pen name) for the idea of the Akatsuki go to therapy.

**Akatsuki goes to therapy**

Sasori was sulking as usual. "I guess I should tell Leader sama that it failed... AGAIN!" he walked into Pein's office. A dart was thrown at his head. "What the fuck did you do that for you jackass?" Sasori shook his fist at Pein.

"Where the hell were you?" Pein asked. He was obviously drunk

"Pein are you all right and by alright I mean not drunk?" Sasori asked.

"weah t'm lot runlk" Pein was slurring everything he said. "I dust fwad o culople tast wight!" he said picking up a bottle.

"Are you gonna be ok?" Sasori noticed Pein also had no balance what so ever. Pein opened his mouth to answer but his head hit his desk in stead. 'He fell asleep?' Sasori wondered. Sasori walked out of Pein's office. He walked up to Itachi. "Hey Itachi how long has Pein been drunk?"

"Pein's drunk? That's news to me. Probably because we took away his coffee maker. We best let everyone else know." Itachi suggested.

"Akatsuki meeting on Pein everyone here now!" they announced. All the Akatsuki members sat down on diffrent chairs waiting to hear what had happened.

"What happened now yeah? Did he find the coffee maker yeah?" Deidara asked.

"NO he didn't thank god! He's drunk." Itachi explained.

"Man that guy needs to go to therapy! he's always addicted to something!" Hidan groaned. "Besides acholol is a sin!"

"You think everything's a sin!" they all yelled.

"And look who talking you could use a little therapy your self! There is such a thing as killing to much!" Itachi laughed.

"I wouldn't be laughing Itachi! Your a bit of a psychopath to! You killed your best friend to get the Mangekyo Sharingun, you killed your entire family to test the sharingun and your going to kill your brother so you don't go friggen blind!" Sasori pointed out.

"Sasori no Danna I wouldn't be talking if I were you yeah!" Diedara yelled. "Mr. I'm OBSESSED with puppets!" Diedara pretended to control puppets.

"He's right! Grown men should not have an obsession such as dolls!" Kakuzu nodded.

"Like your one to talk you money obsessed freak!" Zetsu hit him on the head.

"As for you Zetsu you need to stop eating humans it just plain creepy!" Kisame lectured him.

"Yeah well what about you? You like the water so much you just HAD to turn yourself into a shark!" they were all arguing now.

"Will you just shut up!" Konan yelled. "It's clear you all need therapy! I already scheduled an appointment for all of you!"

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

**the next day**

"I hate my life I hate this day and at the moment I really hate Konan!" Itachi scowled.

"Look on the bright side Pein honey you'll finally get rid of this addiction you have." Konan smiled. (lets see what everybody else is doing shall we) Sasori was trying to make a vudu doll and later draw the therapists face on it. Zetsu was eating something that had meat on it. Deidara was making explosives. Itachi was plotting the therapists down fall. They walked into the building. They walked down a hall way and knocked on the door. Sasuke opened the door. "Do you... holy shit what the hell are YOU GUYS doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing my foolish little brother." Itachi scowled. "So you left Oro and now your getting therapy for your gayness!"

"I AM the therapist!" Sasuke frowned.

"Holy fucking shit!" they yelled.

"Ok so which one of you low life's is my first victim?" Sasuke smiled. They all pointed to Pein. Sasuke pulled Pein inside. He threw Pein on to a chair and sat down at his desk. "So welcome to my happy place! What's your problem?" Sasuke questioned him.

"I'm a drug addict."

"And?"

"I don't know I only came here because my girlfriend dragged me here!" he frowned.

"Ok well what do you think could change this?" Sasuke asked.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Pein shouted.

"Ok well I want you to watch this video and after tell me how you feel." Sasuke instructed. He turned on a TV and a movie started playing.

**10 minutes later**

"So how do you feel?"

"Happy." was all Pein said.

"Good well my work here with you is done." Sasuke shoved him out the door.

"So how'd it go?" they all asked.

"Wonderful really." Pein smiled an overly happy smile (Que creepy music and try to picture Pein with a smile like a clown would have)

"Next!" one by one Sasuke brought them into the room and one by one they all came out overly happy even Sasori.

"So Konan do you think it went well?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes I do. So they'll do whatever I tell them to for how long exactly?" Konan asked.

"About two weeks. I used really strong hypnosis so maybe even longer!"

"Perfect!" Konan laughed all the way out of the building with her overly happy teammate's.

"She the scariest out of all of them!" Sasuke's mouth hung open

**TBC**


	9. zetsu,more coffee and SakuraXSasori

Note: Hey people I'm so sorry it's taken me so long. I hit a major writers block. Please forgive me if this isn't as funny as you would hope

Disclaimer: Naruto abridged belongs vegeda3906 and masakoX, and if I owned Naruto Sasori and Sakura would be married by now!

**Zetsu, more coffee and Sakura X Sasori& itachi **

"Damn you all to hell!" Pein yelled at the other Akatsuki members.

"Why don't you just give up you'll never find it?" Deidara was hanging upside down.

"All of you go to hell!" Pein cursed.

"Already there!" they all responded.

"Hey guys how's it going?" Sakura walked into the hideout.

"Hey Sakura chan." Sasori and Itachi greeted her.

"Girl get your ass over here!" Pein ordered,

"It's Sakura for the hundredth time!" Sakura corrected.

"Shut the hell up you fuzzbag!" Pein narrowed his eyes brows.

"Pein stop watching youtube! It's not healthy!" Kisame advised.

"Yeah well they say that coffee is bad for you to, but do look short to you!" Pein continued to look for the coffee maker.

"Sorry to disappointed you, but you've shrunk by 2 inches!" Sasori.

"WHAT?!" Pein raced into the bathroom. "Um... can someone help me I can't see my reflection in the mirror!" He noticed.

"My point exactly!" Sasori laughed. Sasori then noticed Sakura.

"WOW! Sakura chan you look so hot today!" Sasori smiled. Sakura was wearing a tank top and a mini skirt.

"What mini skirt where?" Roy Mustang appeared out of nowhere.

"What the hell are you doing here? Your in the wrong show dumbass!" Itachi smirked.

"Damn they said channel 5,000,001! Why does this happen?" Roy walked away.

"Sasori stay away from me when I'm sleeping!" Sakura glared.

"For the last time I'm a puppet a PUPPET! I can't do anything to you!" Sasori defended himself.

"Lier! We both know you turned yourself into a human last week!" Sakura glared.

"I did no such thing!" Sasori yelled.

"You tried to friggen rape me last night!" Sakura yelled back.

"Hey it's not my fault your drop dead gorgous!" Sasori got right in her face.

"Should I take that as an insult or a compliment?" Sakura asked.

"What do you think?" Sasori wrapped his arms around he waist and kissed her.

"Holy shit!" Deidara fell on his head.

"Alright Mr. obsessive if you two want to do that go somewhere else!" Tobi had a smart moment.

"Shut up you little shit!" Sasori yelled.

"Hey Tobi I don't have anything to eat today can you share?" Zetsu.

"Zetsu san do us all favor and go fuck the tomateoes outside and shut up!" Tobi glared.

"I'm gonna kill you one of these days Tobi." Zetsu mumbled.

"That's my job you asstard!" Deidara was once again hanging from the ceiling.

"Deidara sempai would you really kill me?" Tobi went back to his "good boy" act.

"Are you kidding I'd kill you for a klondite bar!" Deidara stared at him like it was obvious.

"Deidara your just as bad as Leader sama! That video is very offensive!" Kisame scolded. Sakura meanwhile walked up to Tobi.

"Tobi watch your language! That was rude! Just because he looks like a plant you assume he mates with plants? Zetsu don't you find that insulting to you?" Sakura turned around. "Where's Zetsu?"

"He went to go screw the vegatble garden outside the hideout." Hidan told her.

"Never mind he's a freak. Tobi I take it back." sakura sighed.

"Your pathetic bitch!" Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Oh I just remembered! Uchiha, Itachi your getting a death note!"

"What in the seven hells did I do to deserve a death note?" Itachi asked.

"Last weekend 12:00 AM ring a bell?"

"Oh that... well um Sakura you know I never ment to hurt you, but it's like Sasori said it's our fault your so drop dead gorgeous!" Itachi laughed nervously.

"How many times do I have to tell you we are through! I'm with Sasori!" Sakura slapped him.

"You crazy bitch I hate you!" Itachi yelled.

"GOOD!" Sakura glared.

"Sakura chan you and I have a mission today remember?" Sasori reminded her. "Oh and can I decide how Uchiha dies?" Sasori asked.

"Maybe Sasori kun." They walked into Pein's office. A spear was thrown at Sasori and Sakura.

"Shit I missed!" Pein cursed.

"What the hell was that for you damned bastard?!" they demanded.

"Tell me where the friggen coffee maker is or you die where you stand!" Pein threatened.

"What are the words I'm looking for oh right HELL NO!" they flipped him off.

"Fine I'll go and buy one. Be back in a hour!"he stormed out of the room. The phone rang. Sasori picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Sasori's voice echoed into the phone.

"Hi can I talk to Konan please?" a familiar male voice requested.

"Sure. but just who the hell are you?" he asked.

"That's a secret." he said in a teasing voice.

"Fine. Konan Phone call for you!" Sasori handed the phone to her.

"Hey Konan san. So how'd the hypnosis work?"

"Oh Sasuke it's you. Perfect. You did a wonderful job!" she praised him.

"Thank you. Anyways that's all bye." Sasuke hung up.

"Who was that?" Itachi asked.

"Your little brother." Konan answered. Sakura and Sasori walked back into the main room.

"Hey guys just wondering, but where did you hide it this time?" Sakura asked.

"A place where he wouldn't think to look! I hid it myself."

"Where?" she asked.

"Your room." Itachi responded.

"Where in my room exactly?" Sakura narrowed her eyebrows.

"Where you keep your clothes." he answered.

"EXACTLY where did you put it?" Sakura snarled.

"In the top drawer at the very back." he told.

"Oh I see." Sakura walked into her room for a moment. Itachi turned back to his fellow Akatsuki members. "Oh Mr. I'm getting a death note." Sakura sang. Itachi sensed a blood lust behind him. He turned around to see Sakura wielding a large blade.

"Oh snap!" Itachi started to run for his life.

"Get back here Uchiha! How dare you go into that drawer! Start making funeral plans buddy cause your life ends now!" Sakura chased him all over the hideout.

**TBC**

Hey people so what did you think. I hope it was funny enough.

Please review

Akatsuki obsessed girl


	10. Sai and Sasuke

Note: Hey people I'm finally updating. If it sucks please forgive me and don't be to harsh in your reviews. At the moment this is all I got. Making fun of the emotionless guy. My sister is going to hate me cause she loves Sai! This will be so much fun heheheheheh.

**Sai and Sasuke**

Sai was walking in the leaf village looking for Naruto so he could piss him off. Sasuke appeared out of no where and started walking with him.

"Hey Sai have you seen Sakura recently?" Sasuke asked.

"Nope haven't seen ugly at all. I think she ran off with that red head guy who play with dolls." Sai smiled his awkward smile.

"No Sakura would never do that!" Sasuke yelled.

"Looks like somebodies jealous!" Sai sang.

"I am not!" Sasuke disagreed.

"Sure." Sai pulled out a book and started to read.

"What the hell are you reading? Don't tell me Kakashi has gotten to you! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So so sad. He was so young." Sasuke fake cried. Sai tripped him. Sasuke fell on his face. "owwwwwww." Sai sat on him.

"You asstard it's a book on how to feel happiness. Hey mind if I practice on you?" Sai asked.

"If you get off me you rapist!" Sasuke said his face buried in the dirt. Sai closed his book for a moment. He stood up, but he was still standing on Sasuke. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,ow ow!" Sasuke cried out in agony. Sai stepped off Sasuke. Sasuke stood up his face covered in dirt.

"You got a little something..."

"I KNOW!" Sasuke yelled.

"The emotion your feeling right now it's anger isn't it!" Sai was fascinated by Sasuke's emotions.

"I HATE YOU!" Sasuke started choking Sai. Sai disappeared from Sasuke's grasp. "Get back here you son of bitch!" Sasuke started chasing Sai.

**10 pain filled minutes later**

Sasuke once again laid on the ground his face buried in the dirt. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Sasuke cried out again. "Ok I give up just the hell of me!" Sasuke begged. Sai stepped off him. Sasuke stood up. "Ok I'll help you just don't sit on me again!" Sasuke begged.

"Ok." Sai smiled. Sasuke started to walk down to the lake. "Hey where you going?" Sai ran after him.

"I'm going to wash my face it's covered in dirt!" Sasuke continued to walk. After Sasuke finally washed his face off. Sai started to practice kindness on him. He read the intrusions in his book.

_Step 1:_

_Smile_

Sai smiled then look back to see what he was supposed to do next.

_Step 2:_

_Say hello using name if you do not know it ask politely_

"Hello Sasuke the faggot." Sai waved.

'Oh he did not just call me a faggot! He dies after this!' Sasuke made a mental note to kill Sai. "Hello Sai the gay retard!" Sasuke glared. Sai looked at the next step.

_Step 3:_

_Ask how they are doing. Listen carefully because they could say something that could start a conversation_

"How are you today?" Sai asked still smiling. Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.

"Annoied and you?" Sasuke gritted his teeth.

"Wonderful." Sai paused for a minute. "Hey can act like I don't know you it only has intrutions for that now." Sai requested.

"Fine." Sasuke held back the urge to strangle Sai.

_Step 3:_

_shake hands_

_How to shake hands_

_1. extend arm _

Sai held his hand arm out.

_2. wait for the person to do the same_

Sasuke did the same.

_3. Grasp persons hand firmly_

Sai gripped Sasuke's hand so hard you could hear bones cracking. Sasuke cried out in pain.

"Let go of my hand you mother..."

"NO NOT YET!" Sai refused.

_4. move arm up and down._

Sai lifted Sasuke up off the ground and smacked him down behind him. He did this about a dozen times flipping Sasuke back and forth. Naruto ran down the hill.

"Hey Sai let me try!" Naruto begged.

"Sure." Sai stepped aside so Naruto could take hold of Sasuke's arm.

"This is for call me a loser all the time." Naruto grinned. Naruto started to flip him back and forth. Naruto lost his grip and Sasuke went flying into the lake... which was still alligator infested, but Sasuke didn't know that.

"Naruto you loser I'll kill both of you when I get out!" Sasuke threatened.

"Sasuke look behind you." Naruto advised. Sasuke turned around. A large Alligator was behind him.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Sasuke started swimming around in circles screaming like a little girl. he really hated aligators because of what had happened about a month ago. "Nice alligator please don't tear me to shreds!" Sasuke pleaded. The alligator followed Sasuke around in circles. "Help me!!" Sasuke cried for help.

"Wanna get some ramen?" Naruto asked.

"Why not." they walked off.

"Don't just leave me here!" Sasuke stopped swimming for a moment then realized the alligator was staring at him "Um hello Mr. Alligator how are you today?" Sasuke stared in fear. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Did you hear something?" Sai asked Naruto in the ramen shop.

"Nope." Naruto slurped down his ramen. When they finished they started to the lake to save Sasuke from being turned into sushi. When they got there Sasuke was gone and so was the alligator. "Oh no it ate Sasuke! Why? Why? Why? ok lets go." They started walking. Sai suddenly stopped staring at something. Naruto looked at what he was staring at. 'A girl?' Naruto was kinda confused. "Why you staring at her?" he asked.

"I have no clue she's just really pretty." Sai didn't stop staring.

"Looks like some body's in love!" Naruto teased.

"What's love?" Sai asked.

"Oh right I forgot. Go talk to her!" Naruto suggested.

"Ok I will!" Sai took 2 steps then passed out.

"Hey Sai wake up! Come on don't tell me your shy?!" Naruto shook him.

"Believe it! Your gonna go over there and talk to her! Well this sucks." Naruto dropped him on walked away.

_Will Sasuke survive the alligator? Will Sai ever talk to a girl? Will Naruto stop abandoning his friends? Will I ever stop asking you these questions? I DON'T KNOW!_

**TBC**

Hey people! So what did you think of the chapter?

please review

Akatsuki obsessed girl


	11. card games, string and Larry

Note: hey people I'm so sorry! Life has been so chaotic lately. In short my life is becoming hell! All the boys in the 8th grade in my school can go die! They are all getting death notes! Well except for George, Matt, and... that's every boy who doesn't make fun of me, harass etc. Well enough about my friggen life let's move on to the story which I have kept you waiting for way to long!

**Card games & string**

Sasori and Deidara sat in the main room in the Akatsuki hideout... playing Go Fish! (Wait what?) They were also having an intense glaring contest at the same time! Deidara narrowed his eye.

"Well?" Sasori was getting impatient. (and that's new how?)

"Do you... have any threes?" Deidara interrogated. Sasori smirked. The rest of the Akatsuki watched intensely.

"That's right folks it's all come down to this! The final battle between the creepy puppet thing and the gay boy! The air in here is so dense you can actually feel the intense energy between these two! The glares their giving each other it's almost to much to bare ladies and gentleman! We're at the end of the deck everyone this could be the last move!"

"Shut the fuck up Tobi!" Hidan vilolently covered Tobi's head with a popcorn bucket. Tobi peeked out of the bucket.

"What will happen? Who will rein supreme champ of children's card games played by adults? This is almost as suspenseful as the Yu-Gi-Oh torment we had last weekend! It could be either Sasori or Deidara! I can't take it any more the world must know!" Tobi shouted into a fake microphone. Sasori put two fingers to a card about to a card about to grab it. Deidara's face lit up because he had won."Could this be it? Has Sasori finally lost?" Sasori let go of the card and slammed his hand down on the floor.

"GO DIE!" Sasori announced.

"And that's it folks! Sasori is once again been victorious! Can no one beat this master?" Tobi stated shocked. Deidara trembled with rage.

"Tobi shut up or I'll strangle you! And as for you Sasori no Donna I'll tell you one last time! It's Go **FISH **not go DIE!" Deidara roared.

"Aw man this was even more disappointing then Breaking Dawn! Not to mention Yu-Gi-Oh the movie, the last Harry Potter book, and Atonement!" Hidan yelled pissed off. Every one stared at him.

"You actualy read Breaking Dawn?" Itachi stared exteremly disturbed.

"You bothered to watch Yu-Gi-Oh the movie?" Kisame stared confused.

"Yes and it was even more disappointing then High School Musical 2!" Hidan exclaimed.

"That's not the point!" Kisame added.

"Why aren't you just gonna wait for the Harry Potter movie to come out? No one actually reads the book!" Pein informed him.

"I agree Atonment was a major disappointment! The ending sucked!" Deidara agreed.

"I know the two main characters died for Jashin's sake, and the worst part is they didn't even get the life they wanted!" Hidan sniffed.

"I think I'm going to need some mind soap!" Kakuzu noted.

"All of you can go straight to hell!" Hidan flipped them off. That's when Pein did something... something that would make anyone from the age of 5 to 10 cry, and scar any teenager for life.

"Oh you did not just make me snap in the Z formation!" Pein did that weird snapping thing.

"Holy money!" Kakuzu dropped the money he was counting.

"Kakuzu where was that mind soap of yours again?" Hidan asked scared.

"Heart attack!" Sasori fell backwards.

"And people call me gay!" Deidara twitched.

"That's it I'm going back to sea world!" Kisame walked out.

"My eyes!" Itachi cried out (and that children is how Itachi really went blind)

"Zet I'm scared!" "Don't be Su it will be alright." Zetsu said.

"Pein I hired you to play leader not cheerleader! Your dead!" Tobi aka: Madara started to chase Pein. "You've ruined the Akatsuki name for good! I will never forgive you!" Everyone just watched as Tobi beat the shit out of pein.

"NOOOOOOO PLEASE I'LL BE GOOD!!!!!!! NO NOT THE BLENDER!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Pein cried as Tobi stuffed him into a blender.

"I've always wanted to try this! Now let's see if you'll blend! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"OWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pein yelled. Deidara noticed Sasori next 2 him twitching and slowly dying of that heart attack.

"Help!" Sasori said "Is anyone going to help me? Help! Help! Hello retards from hell I'm dying here! Wait.... yes definitely dying!" Sasori exclaimed

"I'll get those shocky things." Deidara sighed. Deidara came back with those shocky things. "I always wanted to do this! CLEAR!!" Deidara electrocuted Sasori. Sasori sat up his hair standing up straight.

"Ow..." Sasori groaned.

"Welcome back Donna!" Deidara smiled.

"Deidara be lucky that I didn't catch fire because remember I'm not like you! I'm a puppet!" Sasori yelled in Deidara's face.

"Jeez maybe next time I won't save your ass and I'll let you slowly and painfully die! Oh and by the way your hair is on fire!" Deidara snickered.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Sasori ran into the bathroom and stuck his head in the sink. Tobi was now beating Pein with a hair brush yes that's right a hair brush. Konan walked out of her room to see all this chaos.

"Ugh does mommy have to do everything around here?" Konan rolled her eyes. She saw Kisame walking out with a "Sea world or bust" shirt and hat on. "Hey Kisame! get over here!" Konan ordered. Kisame sighed then walked over.

"What do you want Konan? I have a wave to catch in just a half hour! Get it wave cause I'm a... shark." Konan did not seem amused at all by Kisame really bad joke.

"Just tell me what the hell is going on here!" she ordered.

"Oh well um it all started with a card game. Then Hidan made some weird comments and flipped us all of then Pein did that whole 'Oh no you didn't!' thing that 6th grade girls like to do." Kisame explained. "Then Tobi started acting funny and stuffed him in a blender yelling all kinds of stuff like "You've ruined the Akatsuki name, I hired you to play leader no cheerleader and stuff like that. It's all pretty weird for Tobi cause he's usually such a retard that he can't comprehend what we mean when we say you're PMSing... Oh shit!" Kisame thought.

"I'll pretend that I didn't hear that ok. Now then where are Pein and Tobi?" Konan looked slightly pissed off.

"Oh they're over there." Kisame pointed to them and Tobi was now holding a shot gun.

"Hey you crack heads cut it out! Madara I mean Tobi put the shot gun down and let Pein out of the blender!" Konan put her hands on her hips.

"Konan I can kill him I feel like it damnit! Now go over there and.... ummm..... play with Sasori's puppets!" Tobi ordered.

"But I don't wanna!" Konan wined.

"Wait! NO way in the seven hells a **GIRL** is going to **play**with **my **puppets!" Sasori fumed. "My puppets are not play things they are weapons of mass destruction and are meant for doing evil things like murder, kidnapping, or even carrying drugs for gods sake!" he pouted.

"Don't forget doing laundry!" Deidara added.

"Yes and doing laundry... wait no!" Sasori glared.

"Sasori you are going to let her play with your puppets or I will go into your room in the middle of the night and stab you with a rusted plastic fork!" Tobi threatened.

"Yes sir!" Sasori shook with fear.

"Hey guys what's up?" Sakura walked in.

"Shut up Sakura!" Tobi snarled.

Sakura: "Hey akatsukigirl247 why are you making Tobi such an ass in this chapter?"

Me: "Hmm that's a good question and with all good questions there are answers... BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT!!!!"

Sakura: "Well looks like some one is a little crabby today aren't we!"

Me: "Oh shut it you useless girl!"

Sakura: "Hey I am not useless!"

Me: "Hey! Who's the writer?"

Sakura: "You, but still..."

Me: "You're to useless to have an opinion so be shushed!"

Sakura: "But I'm not useless anymore! This is Shippuden remember!"

Me: "Oh really cause last time I checked I had this placed in the original Naruto before Shippuden!"

Sakura: "Damnit! Next you're gonna change my name!"

Me: "Hmm that's an excellent idea! From now on you name shall be Larry!"

Larry: "Hey wait my name's Sakura!"

Me: "And I say it's Larry now shut it!"

Larry: "Yeah well you're a shitty writer!"

Me: "OK you just crossed the line Missy! For being such an ass I'm going to a commercial!"

Larry: "Wait a commercial?! But this is a fanfic it doesn't have..."

Me: "I'M THE WRITER!!!!!!!"

**Commercial... then string**

**You can thank Larry**

Coming to a crappy fanfic near you Dramatic dying:

"No Sasori no Donna you can't do this! We've worked so hard to win acceptance in this world as artists! How can go and throw everything away like that?!" Deidara sobbed

"Deidara it's no use no matter how hard we try we will never be excepted in society! I know it's hard, but this is only to save you from a life of torment! GAAAAAAAA!!!" Sasori stabbed himself in the heart.

"No Donna what does it matter if the world doesn't respect us you can't leave me alone here! You always told me that it was good to be different that there was no problem with... with us!" Deidara held Sasori in his arms.

"Forgive me but I'm just not strong enough remember I... love... you." Sasori slipped away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO DONNA! It doesn't have to be like this!"

This gay ass commercial was brought to you by: Dramatic Walking "I'm going to dramatically walk to the center of this bridge it is destiny!" cried Neji. (Que James Bond music), Dramatic drinking and choking.... (this is my parents idea cause I don't know how to drink properly and end up choking all the time!)

"Eh this case has really put a strain on me lately sir." Itachi slammed down his shot glass. "Kakashi hit me again!" he ordered.

"Coming right up sir."

"Well there's nothing we can do! We must get all these suspicious card games cleared up! People are starting to talk Uchiha, and I don't like that!" the shadowed man said tipping his hat down.

"Just what kind of things are they saying sir?" Itachi glanced at his boss who was leaning back in his chair.

"Well you know that suttle buzz you here in the cafeteria or the thing a co worker mentions briefly before changing the subject." he gripped his beer bottle.

"I can see where your concern would come from sir, but I also have 5 other cases at the moment and they're all very stressful sir!"

"Uchiha it almost sounds as if you're disobeying my orders. I would hope for your sake I'm just getting old and hearing things!" Pein hissed.

"Oh no sir it's just I would like some help on some of my cases that all!" Itachi picked up his shot glass.

"I don't know your reasoning, but I shall take into consideration." he sighed. Itachi slammed his hand against his chest and coughed violently. "Good god man drink it slowly!"

"Sorry _cough _sir _cough _just..." he coughed even more.

"NO NO NO! CUT! This is not how I envisioned the scene! Way to go Uchiha! Way to ruin a perfect scene!"

..... and finally Dramadic Laundry and other shit:

"Damn how the hell does this thing work?!!!!" Sasori kicked the washing machine.

"Donna you really need to get up to date with technology! I mean it's like you've spent the last 20 years in a cave or something............. (akward silence)..... say anything and I will kill you!" Deidara warned.

"It's all the same with this new stuff! What happened to the good old days where everything was made out of wood?!" Sasori muttered.

"Ummmmmmm Donna welcome to the 21st century! Not a lot of tools are made out of wood any more!" Deidara shook his head.

"I wasn't talking about tools! I was talking about this mother **beep beep **washing machine, And while on the topic when I was a kid we didn't have TVs, computers, and those crazy things you call **Nintendo DSs!**We had rocks which we threw at each other mostly me which would probably explain why I'm so messed up and whacked!" Sasori lectured.

'Oh boy here he goes again with old guy stuff this and you crazy kids that and bla bla bla bla!' "Donna I still don't get it!" Deidara shrugged. Sasori pulled out a megaphone and yelled through it.

"I'M INSANE YOU ASS!!!"

"I still don't get it!" Deidara acted like a complete and total retard.

"Deidara you Mother **beep beep **head! Will you shut the **beep **up or I tear your **beep beep beep **legs off then turn you into a **beep beep beep! **So you'll be forced to **beep **side ways! Got it you **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP**

**Due to language portrait in this scene it was censored by 4kids!**

"Wait what?!!!!! Damn you 4kids!!!!!"

**And finally string**

**Again thank Larry!**

Kisame had returned from Sea world seeing that they had a strict "No pets allowed" rule. He saw Itachi sitting on the couch reading a magazine about how to be friggen evil.

"Itachi kun!" Kisame glomped Itachi.

"Get off of me you freaky fish guy!" Itachi growled.

"I am not a freaky fish guy!" Kisame defended. While Kisame and Itachi sat there bickering Hidan was looking through drowers in his nightstand next to his bed.

"Damnit where the hell is my motha fucken sythe?!" Hidan cursed. He then noticed something at the bottem of the drower. "Hey string!" Hidan picked it up and started to play around with it. "Hours of fun!" He walked out of his room and sat in the center of the hideout playing with the string. Kakuzu walked up to him.

"Hey Hidan what you doing?" he noticed Hidan playing with something. "What you got there?" Kakuzu asked.

"String." Hidan responed.

"Your playing with string... AWESOME!!! Hey can I see it?" Kakuzu held his hand out.

"No way bitch get your own damn string!" Hidan hissed.

"But it' hours of fun!"

"Yeah ours of fun that your not gonna have!" Hidan stuck his tongue out at Kakuzu.

"Oh you little... give me that string!" they got in a fight over the string that right they are fight over freaken string... what is the world coming to?

"Hey guys what are you doing?" Konan asked almost afraid to hear the answer.

"We're fighting over string!" Hidan pinned Kakuzu down.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttt." Konan walked away. Pein walked by.

"Holy mother of god! What do you to think your doing! We have bedrooms for this kind of stuff!" Pein yelled horrified.

"No we are fighting over string!" Kakuzu looked up.

"Honestly why am I even surprised?". Pein rolled his eyes.

Me: Alright I'm ending it right there! Sorry about that people my sister begged me to write this section on... string... yeah u must want to scream by now

**Now for a parody moment from my other story Lost Emotions!**

Sasori picked up the katana and charged at Itachi about to end his life.

'See you in hell Uchiha!' Sasori swung the blade. CLASH! Sasori gasped. Pein stood between them holding back the sword with his arm. Blood dripped from the sword.

"What's the meaning of this? Explain..."  
"You couldn't have stepped in five minutes ago?!" Hidan yelled.

"No, because this is a crappy anime fanfic and in crappy anime fanfics the person who stops a fight always steps in at the last possible second! It's much more dramatic!" Pein sighed.

"More like Cleshy!" Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Look it's in the hand book "how to be a hero when no one want's you to be a hero hand book" I'm just following the rules!" Pein explained.

"Well isn't that nice....."

Me: Ok this is going NOWHERE!!!!!! That's it this chapter has lost it's funny I'm so done sorry people but I have to end it.

**TBC.... sorry**

Note: hey people sorry about the sudden ending I just don't see this chapter going anywhere else and after I kept you waiting for so long you must have been expecting more forgive me until next time later!

please review

Akatsuki obsessed girl


	12. Akatsuki christmas

Hey people sorry about the wait I'll try my best with this chapter. I just haven't had the time to update so please bare with me I'm really struggling with this story right now. This chapter should've happened done awhile ago cause it's a christmas special sorry, but it's like the only thing I got right now.

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Mashashi Kishimoto, Tv Tokyo, and studio Perriot. Dead and I never told you what I do for a living belongs to My Chemical Romance. Sasori is not Gerard Way (MCR's lead singer) Harry Potter is also not mine! This is nothing more then a shity fanfic so please support the offical release.

**Akatsuki Christmas**

Sasori sat on the couch fixing one of his puppets. Deidara snuck up behind him holding one of his bombs.

'Finally I'm gonna blow Sasori Danna into next week' Deidara snickered.

"I know you're there Deidara! What do you take me for a moran?.... Don't answer that!" Sasori glared.

"Damnit! I was so close!" Deidara cursed.

"Like hell! You're as stealthy as Naruto!" Sasori turned around. Suddenly Naruto appeared out no where.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I'm totally stealthy!" Naruto yelled.

"Oh yeah Mr. bright orange jump suit you makes us look completely camofloged!" Sasori shouted back.

"You're welcome.... hey wait a minute!"

"Wow you are a complete retard! Naruto you loser!" Sasori chuckeled. Itachi heard this and thought it was Sasuke (remember Itachi is blind because of Peins 6th grade girl moment)

"Sasuke you've grown stronger, but you still lack one thing hatered! Mangekyo Sharingun!" Itachi set the couch on fire.

"Holy shit!" Sasori jumped and clung to Deidara.

"Aw I love you to Sasori Danna yeah!" Deidara hugged Sasori.

"Holy fuck! What the hell do you think you're doing brat?" Sasori tried to push him away.

"Oh come on Sasori why do you always try to hide it? I was wondering if you wanted to do a repeat of last night?" Deidara teased. Hidan walked by and whisteled.

"It's about time puppet! The 40 year old virgen has given it up!" Hidan shouted. All of the Akatsuki stood up and clapped.

Nauto just stared for a few moments. " Um yeah I'm officaly scarred for life! Anyways I just came here do deliver this gift to Itachi." Naruto pulled out a wrapped gift. Then Pein walked into the room.

"Alright I wanna know who the hell invited the Kyuubi kid?!" Pein yelled. "All Akatsuki members front and center soilders!" Pein ordered. They all looked to stare for a second then went back to what they were doing.

"Get bent mother fucker!" Hidan shouted.

"Um yeah so is Itachi around or not?" Naruto asked.

"Like hell if I know or care un." Deidara walked away.

"He's in his room playing with the Sasuke Vudoo doll I made for him for his birthday." Sasori sighed.

"Oh, well I don't want to interupt him so give this to him for me will ya." Naruto tossed Sasori the gift.

"Yeah sure what ever." Sasori didn't bother looking up from his puppet."

"Like poof!" Naruto disappeared. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Stupid special ed ninja." he mumbled.

"EMO POPTARTS!" Deidara shouted from behind Sasori.

"Holy shit!" Sasori fell over. Deidara stood over him.

"Hola Sasori Danna!"

"What the fuck brat are you trying to give me a fucken heart attack!" Sasori tried to sufficate him.

"Watch your launguge geez little childeren read this crappy fanfic yeah!" Deidara shouted.

"You know what's really wierd? I don't give a shit!" Sasori yelled.

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth hmm?" Deidara asked.

"My mother is dead you prick!" he hissed. Deidara stared surprised.

"Really? How'd she die?" Deidara asked. Sasori stopped to think a moment.

**Flash back!!! *sparkle sparkle sparkle***

Sasori sat on his bed planning the domination of the land of Chocolate chip pickles

"Soon my awsome puppet army will be complete and I'll take over the world Mwahahahahaha... or maybe just the land of chocolate chip pickles..."

"Sasori can you help me with the dishes honey?" Sasori's mother asked.

"Die you wench!"

**End of flash back *sparkle sparkle sparkle PICKLES!***

"Um she had the Flu." Sasori lied.

"Dude you can't die from the flu!" Deidara told him.

"Yes you can."

"No you can't."

"Yes you can."

"No you can not!" Deidara yelled.

"... yes you can!" Sasori yelled.

"Actually Deidara, Sasori is right you can die from the flu" Itachi said.

"I don't believe we asked for your opinion Itachi!" Deidara glared.

"Yeesh someones got up on the wrong side of the bed!" Itachi walked away.

**Meanwhile in Pein's lair of doom... and coffee**

"Konan turn on the speaker will you and put it up to full volume I want to see everyone hear this." Pein combed his gorgous hair (**XD**)

"Yes Pein honey." Konan rolled her eyes. She felt bad for eveyone else who within the next few seconds would have so form of hearing loss.

"**Attention all Akatsuki members can you hear me?!!!!**" Pein shouted into the mic that he had recently bought off of Ebay (remember kids Ebay is good for you!)

"Holy mother of fucken Jashin!" Hidan covered his ears.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my ears are bleeding!" Tobi screamed. Sasori was at the time was dealing with very deadly chemicals which would melt your skin off if they touched you.

"Holy Shit!" Sasori accidently threw the vial of chemicals in the air, and it was heading right for Deidara. I want you to guess what happened.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It burns!" Deidara started running around screaming. "My skin is melting off! AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Deidara rolled around on the ground.

"**I would like to inform everyone that since Christmas is in...**" Pein was cut off.

"Oh dear god some one help me! Throw me in a river something! It's unbearable!" Deidara screamed.

"**As I was saying we will...**"

"OWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Deidara groaned.

"**Deidara shut the fuck up or so help me I'll give ya something to scream about!**" Pein yelled.

"Do we have any tape?" Sasori asked.

"Just the crumy kind cause Kakuzu didn't want to spend extra dollar to get duck tape!" Hidan glared.

"It's cheaper and works just fine!" Kakuzu glared back.

"Come on guys let's not fight!" Tobi suggested.

"Shut up Tobi mommy and daddy are talking right now!" Hidan growled.

"**Enough I comand you all to shut the fuck up!**" Pein ordered.

"baut whisdy wofej weljfdoe jwojffj oefrjwfew!" Deidara who now had tape covering his mouth shouted. (translation: no you are the one who is going to shut the fuck up!"

"Quite brat!" Sasori sat on Deidara to keep him quiet.

"MWAAAAAAAAAA!" Deidara screamed.

"**Anyways as I was saying before I was rudely interupted by Deidara we will be going shopping tomorrow to get gifts for each of your fellow Akatsuki members.**" Pein announced.

"Why should we? I hate all you assholes!" Hidan shouted.

"**Because I fucken said so!**" Pein hissed.

"But it's against my religion!" Hidan wined.

"I refuse to spend money on others!" Kakuzu pouted. Pein ignored them.

"**If you have any objections get over them! I'll see you tomorrow morning at 7:00 AM!!!**" Pein emphsized the AM part. "**That is all.**"

"That's reminds me. Itachi, the Kyuubi kid stopped by and told me to give you this." Sasori tossed Itachi the gift.

"Tell him I said thanks." Itachi said.

"You say that like you actually think I'm to see him any time soon, and even if I did since I know nothing about my target I would kill him. Hell I don't even know if they're a guy or a bitch!" Sasori yelled.

"What the hell do you have against woman anyways?" Hidan asked.

"I just don't like them. They do nothing." Sasori said.

**EPIC LIE!111111!!!!!**

Sasori was then reminded that he was sitting on Deidara by his screams of pain and agony. "Oh that's right Deidara I forgot about you!" Sasori got off of Deidara and ripped the tape off of his mouth.

"Fucken hell that hurt sooooooooo much" Deidara wined.

"What a pussy!" Hidan frowned in discust.

"No not that the chemicals burning my arm!" Deidara sniffed. He stood up.

"............................................" Everyone stared horrofied.

"What is it?" Deidara asked.

"Um brat look at your arm." Sasori suggested. Deidara looked at his right arm. It was gone!

"...... my whole arm melted off hehehe....... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Deidara screamed like a 5th grade girl and passed out.

"Oh my god now what's he gonna do during his alone time?!!" Hidan wondered out loud.

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" the rest of the Akatsuki groaned in unison.

"I'll take him to his room and start making the preperations for his operation." Sasori sighed and picked Deidara up and threw him over his shoulder.

"Don't forget to give him a good night kiss puppet!" Hidan shouted after him.

"Fuck off!" Sasori snarled.

"Not without you pinnochio!" Hidan laughed.

"Yeah so when do you want to be a real boy so you can really play the role of uke in that gay ass relationship of yours?" Kisame shouted.

"Been there done that it wasn't that great." Sasori tried to ignore them and carried Deidara into his room. He laid him down and pulled out a measuring tape.

**back in the other room**

"What the hell is taking him so long." Kakuzu wondered.

"You can only rape someone so fast Kakuzu." Hidan smirked.

"Hidan get your sick and twisted mind out of the gutters! Sasori and Deidara are not together I know that for a fact." Kakuzu glared.

"So then you and Sasori are going out?"

"Go die like right now!" Kakuzu walked away.

**The next day in hell**

**5:30 AM**

**Pein and Konan's room**

Pein was fast asleep dreaming of taking over the world (excluding the land of fluffy bananas formaly known as the land of chocolate chip pickles) when his alarm clock went off.

"Son of a bitch damn thing I command you to shut up!" Pein ordered his alarm clock. It kept going. "Be silent you!" He pulled out a baseball bat and beat it. It was still ringing. "Wow it's just like Deidara it never shuts up!" Pein groaned. He threw it in a closet. It finally stopped.

"I think I know what I'm getting you for christmas Pein honey." Konan sighed. "Bet you can't guess."

"A new furnace!" Pein exclaimed.

"Very funny sweet heart...no." Konan smiled as she walked into the bathroom.

"Well I suppose this would be a great time to double check that I wrote down for eveyone.

**Pein's christmas list... of DOOM!**

_Twilight DVD UGH! (Konan)_

_something X rated (Konan)_

_wood and tools (Sasori)_

_purple nail polish (Itachi)_

_a big ass knife (Hidan)_

_monoply (Kakuzu)_

_model magic (Deidara)_

_mouth wash (Deidara)_

_discusting raw meat (Zetsu)_

_sushi (Kisame)_

_a brick (Tobi)_

_Miasma (Sasori) _

_coal (Orochimaru)_

"Yep that's eveyone!" Pein smiled.

**later at the gathering of S-ranked crimnals to go buy christmas gifts... yeah**

"I'm glad you could all make it... even if you are all 2 hours late! Hey wait where in the seven hells is Hidan?!" Pein shouted.

**in Hidans room... oh shit!**

Hidan stood in front of his mirror looking at himself.

"Who's that handsome son of a bitch? Are you Justin Timberlake? Why yes I am. Wanna go back to bed and have extreme ninja sex?! Justin Timberlake approves!" Hidan gave himself a thumbs up. He walked out of his room. Konan glared at him.

"Thank so much for keeping us waiting asshole!" she growled.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch cupcake be happy that I even got up for this shit!" Hidan blew her a kiss.

"Hidan you will wake up in cuba if you do something like that again!" Pein growled.

"Donde esta el Cuba?!" Hidan asked.

"My point exactly! Now shut up all you bitches and listen to what I have to say!" Pein barked.

"A bitch is a dog, dogs bark, bark is on a tree, a tree is a part of nature and nature is beatiful thanks for the compliment" Deidara smiled.

"Don't make me do it!" Pein held up his fingers in a snapping position.

"NO!" everyone shouted.

"Good now then get your asses to the mall!" Pein ordered.

"Um leader sama..." Tobi raised his hand.

"For the last time Tobi you don't have to raise your hand if you have to go to the bathroom you're a big potty trained boy go by yourself!" he hissed.

"Epic lie!!!! I have to change this babies sheets every week cause they've been turned bright yellow!" Deidara fumed.

"Just go!" Everyone disappeared.

**Hidan and Kakuzus shopping trip**

"OK so I don't need to go to the mall for my stuff we just need to stop at the dollar store on our way back." Kakuzu told Hidan.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you better not get me shit Kakuzu or else." Hidan warned as they walked into a store

**HOT TOPIC HELLS YEAH!**

"Hey Phil." Hidan waved.

"Hey Hidan back again I see. What can I help you with this time my partner in crime?" Phil asked.

"Christmas shopping shoot me with a big ass gun!" Hidan groaned.

"Fresh out of those buddy, but tell me how many of your friend are chicks?" Phil asked.

"One." he answered flatly. "Then just about 8-9 guys"

"Boy do I got shit for you!" Phil grined and walked into the back.

"I fucking love ya man!" Hidan sighed with relief.

"Everybody does bro" he smirked. As he pulled out a box that said **SHIT! **"Plus your Satan worshipers discount soooo that brings you to a total of 50 bucks."

"I'll give you 45!"

"The fee's not nagosible." Phil pointed to a sign.

"$65!" Hidan announced.

"Ummmm ok... come again."

**The dollar store**

Kakuzu walked in a list in his hand.

"Well if it isn't my best customer Kakuzu!" The cashier beamed.

"Hey Dr. S." Kakuzu said.

"Dr. S?" Hidan was confused.

"Dr. Smagen Wagen Ducen Hymer at your service!" Dr. S smiled.

"Why do you have the Dr.?" Hidan asked.

"I have a doctors degree in being a cheepskate!" he grined.

"Uh huh yeah I'm gonna walk away now." Hidan inched away. Kakuzu looked at his list.

**Christmas list **

_chewing gum (Deidara 50 cents)_

_plastic sword (Hidan $5)_

_Rusty bent nails (Sasori $0)_

_cheap squirt gun (Kisame $3)_

_Chocolate (Konan $4)_

_A brick (Tobi $2.50)_

_broken hair brush (Itachi $0)_

_dead roses (Zetsu $0)_

_2 dollars off next hair cut cupon (Pein $2)_

_Coal (Orochimaru 1 cent)_

_Budget: $10_

_outcome _

_OVER BUDGET!_

Kakuzu groaned then walked over to the cash register.

"You all set?" Dr. S asked.

"Yep thank god I went over my budget!" Kakuzu sniffed.

"It's ok buddy we'll get through this." he patted him on the shoulder.

"Are we done? Good! Let's go home now!" Hidan walked out Kakuzu not far behind.

**Sasori and Deidara's shopping trip**

"Deidara be my guest to go first I don't like shopping and I don't like christmas!" Sasori groaned.

"Why not Danna?" Deidara asked.

"I'll tell you later not here there's well people." Sasori flinched.

"You don't do well in crowds do you?" Deidara asked.

"No not at all... so anyways this is off topic where's our first stop?" Sasori asked.

"Let's see I'll get Itachi's gift first." Deidara turned to a store. Sasori read the sign it said Happy Joy Joy makeup and accerories.

'Oh you have got to be kidding me! Son of a bitch he expects me to go in there! Woman go in there!' he thought. Then he saw that Sakura was in there. "On second thought... yeah Deidara let's go!" Sasori announced.

"Are you feeling ok Danna? You hate Makeup stores." Deidara reminded him as they walked in.

"Shut up moran Sakura's in there!" Sasori whispered through his smile.

"Ohhhhhhhh I get it trying to get your X back un." Deidara smirked.

"Yeah now get lost I don't want to be seen with you." Sasori shoved Deidara off into a different direction. He leaned up against a wall. "Hey Sakura." he said as she walked by.

"Hi Sasori... wait Sasori! What on earth are you doing here?!" Sakura whirled around.

"Nothing much just shopping." Sasori shrugged. 'Yes I've got her in a conversation!'

"So you got yourself a new girlfriend." Sakura smiled.

"No... cause there's only one girl I like and we haven't talked in awhile." Sasori sighed. "If you haven't figured it out yet I'm talking about you." He glanced over at her.

"Oh um I see." Sakura blushed.

"Sasori Danna guess what they have that eyeliner that you love un!" Deidara shouted.

'Ah fuck fuck fuck! Ass kissing shit! Ass munching, cock sucking shit face!' Sasori screamed in his head. 'Quick Sasori say something not assholeish to Deidara!' "Very funny Deidara, but I don't wear makeup!" Sasoris eye twitched as he tried to keep his cool.

"No Danna really look! It's 30 percent off too un!" he grinned.

'WHAT 30 PERCENT OFF!!! Wow perfect I could totally stock up and wouldn't have to come in here for like a year! No Sasori must resist making a fool of yourself!' he thought. " Deidara I think you've got me confused with Itachi why don't you get it for him." Sasori turned and glared at Deidara.

"Hey guys!" Zabuza walked in with Haku.

'Oh god why?!' Sasori was ready to slit his throat right then and there.

"So Sasori you decided to come during the sale too!" Zabuza grinned under the bandages that covered his face.

"Well anyways I got to go Sasori give me a call." Sakura waved then walked out. After Sasori's face was red and steam was practicly coming out of his ears... make that steam was coming out of his ear.

BEEP BEEP! The fire alarm went off and the sprinklers on the ceiling went off.

"Oh for fucks sake!" Sasori shouted. Deidara had just paid so they ran. After two more hours of shopping Sasori and Deidara were finished. They headed back to the Akatsuki base.

After waiting for fucking hours on end everyone else returned. They found Sasori and Deidara in another intence battle of wits and paitence.

(que western cow boy music)

Sasori narrowed his eyes. Deidara did the same. "On three." Sasori declared.

"1...un" Deidara made his left hand into a fist.

"2..."

"3...un" they pulled their arms back.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" they announced in unison. Sasori was scissors and Deidara was paper.

"Scissors beats paper!" Sasori raised his arms above his head victorius.

"Deidara just give up Sasori's got you beat 50 to 1." Hidan sighed.

"God damnit un!" Deidara wined.

"Quit complaining, and what's the thing you do at the end of evey sentence?" Sasori demanded.

"What you mean un?" Deidara asked.

"Yes that! Do you have a stroke at the end of every single one of your senteces or something?!" he growled.

"NO! This is having a stroke!" he fell over twiching.

"That's a seizure asshole!" Sasori hit him on the head.

"Sasori you've been in a rotten mood ever since I brought up the whole christmas deal what's up?!" Pein asked.

"I just don't like christmas." Sasori said.

"Sounds like there's a story behind this!" Deidara clapped his hands together.

"Yes do tell!" Hidan and the other gathered around.

"Well when I was 6 my parents died, but they died on... Christmas eve!" Sasori cried then curled himself into a little ball.

"Oh no we sent Sasori into an emo corner!" Deidara patted him on the back.

"Just leave me to cry in peace." Sasori sniffed.

"Just leave him guys it's better if we let him come out of this on his own." Pein suggested.

**Many hours later**

"Guys this has officaly become a problem! Sasori has been in the emo corner for 5 hours." Itachi declared.

"I agree some one needs to break him out of it." Hidan suggested. Everyone looked at Deidara.

"Hey why you looking at me hmm?" Deidara demanded.

"He's your boy toy go get him to snap out of it!" Hidan ordered.

"Shut up Sasori Danna is not my boy toy yeah!"

"Just go sacrafice yourself for the good of the cause! We need Sasori you on the other hand we can live without!" Hidan threw something at Deidara's head.

"That's cold yeah!" Deidara sniffed.

"Well it's true." Pein added.

"Fine, fine I'll go help Sasori un." he walked over to Sasori. "Sasori Danna you really need to snap out of this yeah! Come on out of the emo corner now!" Deidara put his hand on Sasori's shoulder. Sasori turned his head to look at Deidara. His eyes ice cold. A chill went down Deidara's spine. Sasori grabed him by the arm and tossed him into the nearst wall.

"Go away." he said in a really creepy emotionsless voice.

"I'm ok I think my face broke the fall." Deidara whimpered. Everybody turned to Itachi.

"Oh no! I am not going over there to get my ass thrown into a friggen wall by pinnochio!" Itachi folded his arms.

"What are you talking about Itachi just go over there pick him up by his little neck and... shake him until he wakes the fucken hell up!" Hidan pushed Itachi over to Sasori. Itachi cautiously approached Sasori. He stepped in front of him. He didn't even look up at him. He just sat there mumbling to himself. Itachi attempted to grab him by his collar. Sasori grabbed his wrist, bent it backwards and tossed him into a wall.

"Go away." he said.

"My back is ruined!" Itachi hollowed in pain!

"OK that was fail." Hidan sighed. Everyone then stared at Hidan.

"No way! I am not I repeat I am not going to get my ass kicked by Pinnochio!" Hidan said firmly.

"Oh but Hidan it's a sacrafice for the good of the cause." Kisame grinned revealing his shark like teeth.

"Yeah Hidan! Besides we don't really need you. Sasori could kick your immortal ass any day." Kakuzu chuckled.

"Damn you all!" Hidan walked towards Sasori.

"Yo puppet boy wake the hell up or I'll send you to Cuba!" Hidan threatened from a safe distance.

"Donde esta el Cuba?" Deidara asked his face still implanted in a wall.

"We don't know!" eveyone shouted. Sasori ignored him. Hidan grabed him by the neck.

"I said snap out of it damnit!" Hidan barked. Sasori grabed his arm.

"Go away before I block out the sun light dispostion of you life with the black cloud of reality." Sasori warned then turned away. Hidan just stared scared out of his mind. He fell down beside Sasori and curled into a ball.

"No it's spreading like the plauge!" Tobi shouted.

"Hidan look pointy things!" Kakuzu held up a knife. Hidan turned around and stared at the knife then started panting like a dog. "That's right come get it boy!" Kakuzu waved the knife. Hidan ran on his hands and feet like a dog and grabbed the kunai with his mouth.

"Kakuzu you're up next!" Pein shouted.

"I don't get paid enough for this job." he sighed. He made his way slowly over to Sasori. "Yo Sasori you need to like snap the hell out of it or shit gonna happen to you. Bad shit!" Kakuzu told him. Sasori turned his head to glare at Kakuzu. He grabbed him by his neck and jerked him forward.

"I don't like people with masks." Sasori stated in a emotionless yet angered voice.

"W-why?" Kakuzu asked scared out of mind about Sasori beating him sensesless and there wasn't a damn thing 4Kids could do about it.

"My parents were killed by a person in a mask." Sasori tore the mask of revealing Kakuzu's face.

"Ewwwwww! No wonder you always keep a mask on!" Hidan stared in disgust. Deidara had by know pulled himself out of wall.

"Well I only have one thing to say. Tobi shall we?" Deidara grinned.

"Yeah Senpai!" Tobi joined his partner.

"U. G. L. Y. you ain't got no alibi you ugly! Hey, hey, you ugly!" the chanted suddenly and mysteriously did a costume change into a cheerleading outfit.

"You know what? Fuck it I'm out of here! I things to sell on the black market!" Kakuzu walked out.

"Epic fail!" Hidan shouted.

"I'll take care of Sasori." Pein rolled up his sleeves. He approached Sasori. "Snap the hell out of it puppet!" Pein grabbed Sasori by his cloak collar.

"Let go now." Sasori's head was limp but his eyes were clearly directed to pein with a meanacing glare.

"Snap out of it and I'll let go." he tightened his grip.

"Then I guess you're going to find a dead chipmunk in your bed tonight." Sasori threatened.

"OK that does it I'll beat you back to your senses!" Pein raised his fists. Sasori grabbed him before he could do that.

"maybe I didn't make myself clear. I wish to be left alone and if you little shits try to interfear with my alone time I will kill you and burry you with dead chipmunks." Sasori stood up and tossed him into a wall. "I'm going to bed anybody enters they will die in 7 days." Sasori slammed the door.

**4 days later**

Sasori after 4 days FINALLY came back to his senses.

"Alright people after 4 days I'm finally back to normal!" Sasori announced.

"Dude the narriator already said that." Deidara said.

"Fuck the narriator!" Sasori flipped off Deidara.

"You know what you're right the narriator is responisble for everything that has ever happened to us!" Hidan realized.

**Oh for the love of... I don't write this crappy fanfic I just narriate it!**

"God?" eveyone asked.

**God what the shit are you talking about?!**

"Oh nothing." Pein sighed. 'Why did I have to be the leader of this emotional baggage group?' Pein wondered. "Alright people it's ummm the day before christmas." Pein was careful not to say christmas eve so Sasori didn't re enter the emo corner.

"Oh thank Satan were saved." Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Be shushed pinniochio!" Pein sneered. "Anyways since it's **that **day let's get wrapping." Pein announced. Everybody started walking towards their room.

"Sasori no Danna do you want to wrap together?" Deidara chased after Sasori.

"Yeah sure what ever." Sasori grumbled. They went into Sasori's room.

"So what did you get the little shit?" Deidara asked.

"Who would that be?" Sasori raised one eyebrow.

"Tobi duh!" Deidara tilted his head to a side and let his mouth hang open.

"A brick. What about you?" Sasori questioned.

"... a brick, and... new sheets that are made out of plastic." Deidara stared.

"What did you get Orochimaru?" Sasori asked pulling out some black ribbon.

"One of my bombs." Deidara chuckled with a evil look on his face.

"Which one?" Sasori asked curious.

"My specialty." his grin got bigger.

"Watch it Deidara I got one of my men working for him! You kill him... and I just hope you look forward to spending the rest of your life made out of wood." he glared.

"Got it Danna! Not my specialty... I'll send something slightly smaller." Deidara held up his hands defending himself.

"Good boy." Sasori grinned.

"What about you Danna?" Deidara interogated. Sasori smirked and held up a T-shirt up that read

_Voldamort ain't got shit on me!_

"I love it!" Deidara fell over laughing. Suddenly they heard cursing and shouting coming from not Hidan, but Pein.

"Why you little fucker I'll show you a motha fucking thing piece of shit!" They heard a loud clang of metal. "Son of whore! How dare you do such a thing to the leader! Die!!!!! OW Fuck fuck fuck!" Pein screamed.

"War against an inanimate object again is my guess." Deidara rolled his eyes.

**the next morning**

Tobi was the first to wake up. He put his mask on and sighed. "Another wonderful day in hell." he looked at his calander. "Oh wait today's christmas!" He exclaimed! "Time for a wake up call hehehehe" he picked up a megaphone. He walked out of his room and into the center of the main room. Tobi turned on the megaphone and started singing into it.

"_OH I'm a happy camper as happy as can be!_"

**Sasori and Deidara's room**

Sasori sat up in bed. "That's it the little fucker dies!" He threw on some clothes resembling something that Gerard Way would wear. Black, black and more black. He walked up to Tobi and grabbed the megaphone out of his hands and started yelling in it

"_YOU'RE DEAD!" _Sasori threw the megaphone out a conviently placed window and lunged at Tobi tackling him. Sasori pinned him down and held a kunai at the back of his neck. "_Oh never again, and never again they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now_!" he sang.

"Gerard Way?!" Tobi asked.

"Uh no! I might look a little like him, but have I dyed my hair yet? I think not."

"Yes you have! Your hair's white dude!" Tobi pointed out.

"NANI?!!!!" Sasori ran into the bathroom. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Operation make Sasori Gerard Way success." Tobi chuckled. "Now then to get the rest of everyones lazy asses out of bed!" he picked up the megaphone "DEIDARA SENPAI I FOUND THOSE CONDOMS YOU AND SASORI WERE LOOKING FOR!" he shouted as loud as he could. Deidara came running at him full speed knocking him over and beating the living shit out of him. Itachi pulled him off.

"Tobi you little $%1& I'm gonna tear of you #%1$ and shove them right up your $$ and you'll have to %&u* sideways!" Deidara screamed.

"Easy there Deidara."

**Meanwhile at the place where dreams come true**

Me: Finally using that Little Kuribo quote check!

**and now we return to Ninja musical... on christmas... yeah**

Hidan came walking out of his room singing Lucky by SR-71. "I drowned my girl friend in her wishing well, I'm not afraid of after life hell cause I live it everyday I live it everyday. I buy my porn of the internet, I got so fucking junk mail my only regret cause I live it everyday I live it everyday." he stoped to stare at the scene unfolding. To him what he saw was Itachi raping Deidara and Tobi watching intensely. "Dudes save the sex for later it's fucking christmas! Can we at least try to fucking put aside our fucking differences to at least pretend shit doesn't happen for one fucking day!"

Sasori walked out of the bathroom with a hat on.

"Dude what in the name of Jashin happened to your hair?" Hidan burt out laughing.

"Tobi thought it would be funny to make me the king of all emos on the worst day of my life." Sasori sat down in a chair mumbling something about how they would all burn in hell with him.

"but you're already the king of emos who could possibly out do you?" Itachi asked.

"Gerard Way lead singer of My Chemical Romance. He is an insperation to emos everywhere including myself" Sasori stated.

"Only one difference he believe the term emo is a pile of shit!" Kakuzu walked out of his room. Pein walked out of his room.

"All you were in my dream last night." he announced.

"Was I in it?" Tobi asked in a childs voice.

"Yes, but you were road kill." Pain rolled his eyes

"I was still in it!" he did a back flip.

"Sorry to abandon you fools on such a wonderful day, but I have to go find a way to get this fucking dye out of my hair!" Sasori scowled making his way to the exit of the base.

"Get your cosplaying emo ass back here puppet!" Pain shouted.

"I am not cosplaying! Tobi did this to me in my sleep!" he pointed to Tobi who was preoccupied with trying to see his forhead.

"Uh huh really doubt that puppet. Now come on it's christmas try at least for once in your life to be a kind and cheerful person."

"I'm a fucking serial killer damnit!" Sasori threw a kunai at pain's face.

"Cry me a river! Get over here it's your turn this year to play santa!" Pain caught the kunai and bent it.

Sasori pulled out a gun and held it at his head.

"Danna no don't!" Deidara jumped in the air dramdicly ending up 10 feet away from him. "well that was fail!"

"Too damn late!" Sasori yelled. "Deidara you're a brat and I hope you get hit by something big and prickly. I hate you go die you annoying little homo! Pain you fucking fail at life! You are the worst leader ever go kill yourself! Itachi you suck! go fuck your brother and..."

"Let me guess go kill myself?" Itachi rolled his eyes.

"No I was gonna say turn this sad organization into the serial killers that they should but yeah you can go fuck yourself twice! Nothing make sense anymore I can't take it!" Sasori pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. "What the fuck?! This thing is deffective!" Sasori stomped on the gun which then went off, but isn't that always the case though? Sasori fell over in slow motion. "Bleh"

"Sasori Danna no!" Deidara caught him in mid air. "Sasori Danna's dead! He's dead!" Deidara sobbed.

"I'm not dead you baka!" Sasori pushed away. "Just because I went bleh doesn't mean I died."

"Look can we please just get to the moment everyones been waiting for?" Pein begged.

"But Pein we have to continue these competely pointeless scenes to lengthen the chapter! It's called Inuyasha syndrom!" Konan stated.

"It sucks!"

**Hmm I suppose I've put you through enough for one chapter. Very well the real torture commence!**

"Nani?!" Sasori shouted.

**Are you deaf? Come I have a fucking life and this is the second to last chapter! Get moving!**

"You mean in another chapter we'll all be free?" Pein smiled.

**Yes... and stop breaking the 4th wall!**

"Yes sir!" they all saluted.

**what the fuck did you just call me? **

"Gomen nasai!"

**Ugh fine what ever I don't a flying fuck anymore. GET ON WITH IT!**

"Okay Sasori now do your job." Pein pointed to the tree

"I'm am paid a whopping $0 to go and kill people NOT to play santa!" Sasori folded his arms.

Pein's eye twiched and he held up a sign that read

_do you want her to pick us off one by one?!!!!_

Sasori immediately getting the message sat down and pick up the first box. "To: Konan, from: Pein." Sasori tossed the box to her carelessly.

Konan opened the box while pein just sat there and smiled. Inside was **censored** that were akatsuki colored. Konan blushed.

Hidan whistled. "Hey there cupcake want a chance to try those on?" Hidan winked. Pein dropped the nearest lamp on Hidans head.

"Shut the fuck up." he sat back down. Sasori rolled his eyes and picked up another box. He handed it to Deidara.

"A gift from me to you." he sighed. Deidara threw the top to the box halfway across the room and looked at it's contents. He turned and glared at Sasori.

"_real art for dummies_?!!!!"

"I thought I'd educate you in the true meaning of art brat." Sasori didn't bother looking at him.

"I don't need your crummy book yeah! I already know what art really is yeah!" Deidara bonked him on the head.

"Oh you're refering to that exploding, annoying, loud, sad excuse for a sculpture you call art?" Sasori held a kunai at his neck. After putting the knife away he picked up a third box and threw it at Itachi's face.

"Umm thank you." Itachi said a red mark now on his face.

"You're welcome."

Itachi opened the box and found a Sasuke Voodoo doll V2. Now with real sound affects.

"exellant!"

As the gift exchange continued things got even more interesting. Hidan had received hair gel, a plasitic sword, a KoRn cd, and a med kit. Which of course he thought was a sin. Sasori had recieved things varying from poison, and tools to eyeliner. Deidara got clay, clay, clay and more clay... and that manual from Sasori. everyone is of no importance **(or I just don't feel like listing it cause I'm just that lazy)**

Sasori tossed pein a rather heavy box that was from Tobi. Pein tore of the paper and a smile spread across his face. He hugged the box.

'Perfect let the chaos begin.' Tobi grinned beneath his mask.

"Tobi I love you."

Pein had recieved a **(drum roll please!) **a coffee maker.

Suddenly Tobi felt the glares of everyone buring through his back

"umm hehehe it was a joke he doesn't even have the coffee.

"um yes he does cause I gave him coffee as a joke!!!" Hidan picked up his scythe. "Tobi I hope you dug that fucking grave like u were told yesterday!!!!" he started to chase him around the cave.

"Yeah what was that about peace and forgiveness for one day of the fucking year?" Sasori sighed falling backwards

"Shush Sasori you're to emo to have an opinion!" Pein shouted hugging his coffee maker

and so that children was the story of the emo, the masked pinata and how the world became known as coffee.

**TBC**

**.... for the last time HAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

So fucking happy with this chapter! and it's the second to last chapter cause I got no shit left!!!! If someone does tell me other wise it ends soon HAHAHAHA! Thank you lord now I can focus on my own fucking life. But who know maybe it won't end, but I have to work on other shit such as my show on Youtube coming out this winter called MCR life. and who knows if i do end it maybe I'll write a sequal maybe don't get your hopes up people who still actually read this! Cause I know that I've lost almost all my fan cause no fucking reviews! Can you tell I've had no sleep for like a week (Eye twitch). Infact I will probably come up with something soon I just need to go back to school! It starts in 6 days people so hang in there.

please review, become emo, rule the world, and give me fucking ideas if you want it continue

MCR obsessed girl


End file.
